Finding the time
I’m getting close to having a complete draft of my book. I’ve so far written 18 chapters (~40,000 words) and I feel like the story is about 80% there. My goal is to complete everything by the end of 2025: writing, editing, illustrating, and formatting so that I can publish. I’m hoping I can do it, but I have had an ongoing struggle throughout this process with finding the time for a number of reasons, including competing priorities and a tendency towards withdrawal.
I have a full time job which I really enjoy but requires a lot of mental effort on my part. For context, I design tools for the armed forces to use in military operations. I enjoy the challenge, but I don’t have a lot of space to daydream and imagine when I’m working.
I’m also pretty introverted and can easily feel overwhelmed by day-to-day tasks. In personality tests I score high on the trait of withdrawal, meaning that my tendency is to disengage from things, including writing, when I feel overstimulated or stressed. Cutting extra things out of my life can feel like I’m protecting myself, creating space to decompress, relax, and take care of myself. However, in practice, this is rarely how it pans out.
I withdraw from the activities I do outside of work because I feel like I don’t have the time, and removing things from my plate will give me more time. But instead, what often happens is that my life just starts to get smaller and more tedious, causing my energy levels to decrease instead of increasing. Instead of playing volleyball or working on my book, I tend to start filling my time by scrolling on my phone. I fill any silence with constant noise through videos and podcasts. This temporarily dampens the anxiety that caused me to withdraw in the first place, but also takes away the ability to think and process.
Embracing action
Conversely, a better approach for me is if I continue to engage in life but remove anything causing mental clutter. For me, having mental space is more important than the actual time it takes to write, and I can let my mind be quiet even when I’m still taking action. Simple, productive tasks can create space for reflection if I remove the distractions from my life. One small example is whether or not I listen to a podcast while I’m doing the laundry or walking my dog. I feel more mentally clear and less overwhelmed if I let my thoughts settle instead of drowning them out with constant input.
Another aspect of this strategy is to take action doing nice little things for myself. I can feel pretty lonely when I’m overwhelmed regardless of whether or not I’ve been engaging with other people. I’ve recently come to understand that this is a result of ignoring or neglecting myself. Ignoring myself relates to the issue around filling any silence with distraction, but neglecting myself is more about the things I choose not to do.
One reward for being present while walking is being charmed by my goofy dog
I can (and do) by myself flowers
If I don’t pack my lunch and pick out an outfit the night before going into work, I feel more frazzled in the morning. If I eat McDonalds instead of making myself a meal, I am less likely to feel good for the rest of the day. But when I take the time to do these things for myself, I not only improve my life in little ways, but also decrease my sense of overwhelm and loneliness.
The irony is, to find the time to write I need to add to my life, not take things away. By continuing to do the things I need to do in life as well as doing things to meet my own needs, I can create more mental clarity and increase both my energy and motivation, making sure I have good ideas when I do have a couple hours here or there to put them on paper.
Practicing what I’m preaching
Having written all that, it sounds like I have the solution figured out. But in reality part of why I chose to write about this topic for this post is because I’m hoping to persuade myself to actually act out the behaviours that I know will help me both feel good and be productive. Wish me luck!